Why you didn't call me?
Is not something I want to be thinking right now. I just don't want to go there for a while. I have to keep telling myself that I have been single for less than a week, though really I think that I checked out of that relationship a while back. At least I started to prepare myself and put up a wall between us. I don't want to be waiting again; waiting for a call, affection, something to do. I want to be able to provide all of those things for myself, I will do the calling, loving and doing. I believe this is called independence, but really its been a while since I've been a practicing independent!
Honestly, I should have known that it was over when I started looking around and saying "I love montana, or MANtana rather.". Which sounds terrible, but when we were really in love I didn't even glance at the most attractive boy twice. I am naturally a very monogamous person apparently. So there is a pact I am going to make with myself, I am not going to go running into anything that feels like a replacement. I can imagine about a million ways that could be a very bad idea, and it just sounds like less fun than not settling and truly enjoying myself! I am not going to fear loneliness so much that I will condemn myself to forever being with people who are just there, rather than finding something that is really meaningful. And if I can't find that I will have it with myself!
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